Tabuu Wrap-up: Sub frenzy is all about excitement, but it can lead to many issues in the practice of BDSM because the newness can be blinding?
When you submit to someone for the first time, it’s a truly intoxicating experience. Your brain releases a strong cocktail of endorphins and dopamine, so any sexual pleasure you’re experiencing is brought to the max. Plus, the fact that you’re finally fulfilling your fantasies makes the moment that much better. For this reason, it can be easy to overlook red flags in your relationship. That would get in the way of having this elating experience.
In the BDSM scene, this risk is known as “sub frenzy”. Sub frenzy refers to the fact you’re so willing to submit to this experience that your common sense just checks out. This can lead you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. I’m here today to remind you it’s important to keep your feet on the ground. Here are 5 common things submissives can do that can be problematic for the practice of BDSM.
1. You Stay Despite the Lies
Once your partner lies to you, it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to rebuild that trust. You’ll always be doubting whether what they say is true or not. In BDSM, contrary to what most people believe, dominants don’t get to do whatever they want. That includes lying. It’s bad for the dominant/submissive relationship to ignore lies, half-truths, and manipulation. It’s bad for any kind of relationship, really.
When you have a partner who doesn’t tell the truth and you can’t trust them, it’s impossible to give your full consent. Consent is based on trust, after all. So, if you can’t trust your partner, the relationship will go nowhere. If you’re with a liar, you may want to consider moving on from the relationship and finding someone who can be honest.
2. They Say and Do Things That Hurt Your Feelings
Humiliation fetish exists and some people in the BDSM community truly enjoy being humiliated. They get a lot of pleasure from that. But when someone is humiliating you without your consent in a BDSM relationship, that’s not a fetish. That’s abuse. If your partner is constantly saying and doing things that make you feel bad and it’s not something you’ve previously discussed, they’re being abusive. Period.
If you consent to your dominant being more on the cruel side, then it’s not an issue. But if you don’t consent to that type of play, then it shouldn’t be happening at all. Humiliation can hurt your emotional and mental health, and that’s not the point of BDSM at all. BDSM is to be enjoyed together, it’s not something that you force on each other.
3. You Ignore Problematic Behavior
When you’re new to kink, it can be extremely easy to ignore problematic behavior simply because you’re inexperienced. Everything is new and it’s very different from vanilla relationships. However, it’s actually easy to determine when something is problematic. It’s as easy as asking yourself: am I consenting to this? Are doing this with my permission?
If the answer to those questions is “no”, then you’re having a problematic relationship and the record needs to be set straight. When your desires, needs, and requests are systematically ignored, you’re not in a healthy BDSM relationship. And you shouldn’t stay any longer than you have.
4. You Ignore Your Gut
Whenever something doesn’t feel right, you should never ignore it. Again, this is very common for beginners because sometimes they believe that’s just how BDSM relationships work. But if something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. The little voice of intuition is seldom wrong, and it’s never quiet when something feels good or bad.
All relationships are meant to help you feel good. So, if you’re constantly having a bad time, that’s a big red flag you should never ignore. Your intuition is strong, so you need to trust it even when your brain is fighting it.
5. You Think This Is Your Only Chance
There’s a common false narrative that states that kinky partners are super scarce. This, along with the fact that your partner may be manipulating or lying to you, may lead you to believe this is your only chance of being in a dominant/submissive relationship. But that’s not true and it’s not a reason to stay.
When you’ve been fantasizing about this for so long and it has taken so long for it to come true, you may be afraid to walk away because you’ll be alone forever. You may be single for a while, but eventually, you will find what you deserve. You’re worth more than an unhealthy relationship, remember that.
It’s very difficult to find the dominant of your dreams, but people may surprise you. I can’t tell you how many people started a relationship with someone who didn’t seem kinky at all, only to find out they were open to BDSM. Sometimes, the people who don’t seem very kinky are the ones that are the kinkiest.
If you want things to be more straightforward, all you need to do is go to munches and join a BDSM community where you can meet people with the same kinky interests. There’s no way to say where you’ll find your next dominant, but you will. It may take time, but that’s better than staying in an abusive relationship that will end badly.
