Tabuu Wrap-up: Orgasm denial can bring your relationship to a whole new level, it’s not just for kinksters!
Orgasms are great, no doubt about it! They offer a surprising array of health benefits; they allow you to relieve stress, battle insomnia, they give the immune system a boost, and so much more. But even if it didn’t offer any benefits beyond pleasure, that’s still a pretty good deal. So it’s no wonder we’re always looking for ways to make our orgasms better, more explosive, and more frequent.
That’s where orgasm denial comes in. You’d think denying yourself an orgasm wouldn’t lead to better orgasms, but it does. If you want to understand how that is and why orgasm denial is so beneficial, continue reading!
Orgasm Denial 101
Contrary to what you may think based on its name, orgasm denial doesn’t consist of denying yourself pleasure and committing to abstinence. It’s more about careful control than anything else. The most common form of orgasm denial is to give your partner full control of your experience and follow their rules. This kind of power exchange completely changes the dynamic of sex. Your limits and desires will be negotiated beforehand and you will provide consent to the rules of your partner.
Now, orgasm denial can be separated into two categories: total denial and tease and denial, and you can practice them on a short-term or long-term basis, depending on your agreement with your partner.
But What Is Total Denial?
Total denial is known as “chastity” in kink speak and it consists of wearing a chastity device. This is how your partner makes sure you’re completely kept away from sexual activity. Some people simply agree to abstain from sexual activity for a specific period of time and that’s enough, but others will take it up a notch with a chastity device. In this scenario, the dominant person holds the key to whatever device you’re using.
Commonly, total denial is done on a long-term basis, and the dominant partner is the one that decides how much should the submissive refrain from sexual activities. For example, dominants can forbid masturbation entirely, and allow it only if they grant permission, or they can forbid all forms of sexual activity for a period of time. It all depends on what you agree on beforehand.
What About Tease and Denial?
Tease and denial is very different because it doesn’t forbid all sexual activity. Instead, the dominant partner will tease and arouse the submissive and then just stop, thus denying them their orgasm. This can be done several times before the submissive is allowed to finally have an orgasm and at that point, they’ll be begging for it. This kind of orgasm denial is commonly known as edging, and we’ve talked about it before as a way to get better orgasms.
Although orgasm denial is kinky, especially when you introduce things such as chastity devices and a dominant/submissive kind of dynamic, it doesn’t always take that form. It doesn’t have to lean towards BDSM if that’s not something you enjoy as a couple. Some people prefer to tone it down and have a more spiritual or laid back approach to orgasm denial. A popular form of orgasm denial among people who are not into BDSM is called “Karezza” and it consists of denying your partner orgasms but it doesn’t involve any form of control.
Why Do People Like It?
It’s not difficult to see why people who enjoy sadomasochistic activities would enjoy orgasm denial as well, as a form of sexual torture. However, people with sadomasochistic tendencies are not the only ones who enjoy this practice. Many people find orgasm denial causes a level of sexual tension so extreme that it just takes everything up to 1000. It heightens desire, arousal, and release. Plus, for people who have been with each other long enough, orgasm denial is a great way to rekindle their sex life.
As a form of foreplay, orgasm denial does wonders and it helps increase libido for people who don’t run on high sex drives. Orgasm denial also makes orgasms better, stronger, and more explosive once you’re allowed to finally have them. That benefit alone is what appeals to so many people. Even men can benefit because it helps them increase their stamina and last longer in bed once they learn to control their climax.
Orgasm denial has allowed many couples to be more intimate and become more present when they’re having sex. That’s because they feel more connected, especially people who introduce a power dynamic into it. After all, the dominant/submissive dynamic does foster commitment and devotion.
Believe it or not, orgasm denial can also be an amazing motivational tool. Say your partner has issues completing tasks around the home or staying focused enough to finish them once they do get around to them, what if you, as a dominant, said they wouldn’t be allowed to orgasm if they don’t do what they should do first? That’s a great motivator to clean the room, do the dishes, go to the gym, and so much more. It’s funny, but it’s true, and you’d be surprised by how many couples get through their to-do list that way!
If I’ve piqued your interest and you’ve decided orgasm denial is for you and you want to give it a serious try, you should start experimenting with it for short periods of time. You can do this on your own through masturbation or with your partner. If you’re doing it on your own, masturbate until you’re about to come, and stop. Learn to read your body and gain control of your orgasm.
If you decide to do it with your partner, the dynamic is the same. They bring you to the edge of the orgasm and then stop. You can introduce some BDSM by getting tied to the bed or trying out the dominant/submissive dynamic. However you decide to do this, the result will be the same: you will feel anticipation and desire like never before, and once you are allowed to come, it will be one of the best orgasms you’ve ever had.
Orgasm denial is a truly wonderful thing that will make you a lot more aware of your body if you do it on your own, and more aware of your partner if you do it as a couple, so try it!