Tabuu Wrap-up: I’ve done anal sex wrong, and I’ve also done it right. Either way, it’s just not for me.
My first experience with anal sex can be summed up as follows: awkward, messy, uncomfortable, and dry. I spent the entire time worrying about whether my partner had enough lube (the answer is no), and what would happen if the lube ran out (suffering and friction for days). However, I’m aware of where it all went wrong.
I Didn’t Know What I Was Doing
At the time, me and my boyfriend were very young and we thought we were a lot more experienced than we actually were. Previous to finally doing it, we had talked about anal sex a few times, but we didn’t do anything to prepare for it to have anal sex in a way that was pleasurable and comfortable.
Instead of preparing and choosing a good night for it, we impulsively made the choice to “just do it” right then and there. There was nothing on TV and I’m talking about the early 2000s, so, you know, don’t be too harsh on me.
I won’t get into too much graphic detail because you don’t want that, but we realized very quickly that it would’ve been great to put some towels down and making sure we had enough lube. Because, again, we didn’t. Not even close. We had to rely on the dying squirts of the only bottle we had and then some spit, which was a big mistake.
Things got dryer and dryer, because, duh, the anus doesn’t produce lubrication. The drier I got, the tenser I felt. It wasn’t long before my butt just said no and we didn’t even come close to enjoying ourselves, let alone have an orgasm.
It’s Really Not for Everyone
I’m aware that my first experience is not the standard for anal sex. I actually have friends who swear by it and have been very open with me for years about the wonders of anal sex. And even though I did take their advice and took steps to have a more enjoyable experience with it, I just never did.
After my disastrous first time through the back door, I did try again a few times because I thought with the right person things would be different. Or that taking a couple of glasses of wine would help me relax more and enjoy that mind-blowing experience everyone seems to have. But that just didn’t happen for me. It was never even close to anything I could call pleasurable.
What I discovered is that I feel distressed every single time. It may sound ridiculous, but it’s a kind of sexual claustrophobia. It feels like my own walls are closing down on me. I truly did wish to like it and find pleasure in it, but I realized the anus would never be an entry zone for me. It just isn’t going to happen.
Vaginal Sex Is Right for Me
There was another reason that contributed to fully abstaining from anal sex. No matter how connected I felt to the guy trying to perform anal penetration, how much I trusted them, respected them, loved them, I just felt like I was neglecting my vagina.
Vaginal sex is my thing. It Makes me come and it makes me feel in control, excited, sexy and completely aroused. It provides so many opportunities for orgasms and they are all mind-blowing. Anal sex was the exact opposite for me. I didn’t feel like I had any control, I was self-conscious the entire time, and super distracted. Too distracted to enjoy anything. I was never able to just let go like I do when I have vaginal sex.
Is It Possible I’m Missing Out?
Even if I never experienced pleasure or enjoyment during anal sex, I still felt like I was missing out. I like to think of myself as a very sex-positive, open-minded, adventurous person. Deciding to abstain from anal made me feel like I wasn’t any of these things. I hated the disappointment I made my partners feel.
But you know what? It is what it is and I am who I am. Anal sex is just not for me. It’s all work and absolutely no play. Not even a little bit. I don’t deny there’s a possibility I might change my mind about abstaining from anal sex in the future. Maybe I’ll give it another shot or become an advocate to people who feel the same as I do today.
However, that’s unlikely. I have truly given anal sex my best shot and I just don’t feel the same way about it as other people who swear by it and love it so much. I’m okay with that, though. Abstaining from anal sex has made me feel even more in control of my sexuality, and I find that to be a big turn-on on its own.
This article is to say that, if you’re like me, that’s perfectly okay! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Anal sex, like many other sexual experiences, is not universal. You don’t have to like it and if you find that you don’t, there’s no problem with that. Or it shouldn’t be!
Yes, anal sex does provide some people with the best orgasms of their lives, but it’s okay if the best orgasms of your life are sponsored by vaginal sex, or clitoral stimulation, or G-spot stimulation, or dirty talk, etc. What matters is you’re happy with your sex life and you’re true to yourself.