Tabuu Wrap-up: is not only about being rough and intense. Some people like it a little bit more vanilla, and that’s okay!
When I attended my first play party, I was expecting the craziest things. In my mind, there was going to be sex everywhere, moaning, spanking, the works. And yes, you see that a lot, but there are people who love their sexless kink. Shocking, huh? Well, not really. It’s a lot more common than people think.
Sexless dominant/submissive relationships are popular and many people enjoy them and are very happy with that kind of arrangement. It forces you to find kinky ways to experience pleasure without the sex and it makes you more creative. Luckily, BDSM is incredibly varied so there are many ways to explore it and still have the most incredible experiences, even without the sex.
1. Bondage
Rope riggers and rope bunnies are categories of kinksters who don’t engage in sex. Well, honestly, some of them do. But it’s mostly something you do to experience pleasure without sex. Many rope riggers and rope bunnies don’t engage in sexual activities, but some people do.
Rope riggers play with rope and they think of it as an art form, not just a form of foreplay. They’re all about creating beauty using rope and someone’s body, so sex is not the priority at all. Rope bunnies, on the other hand, enjoy being tied up. The fact that they’re limited and more controlled than ever turns them on and is enough for them. They love the sensations of being under control and taken care of at such a level.
These things are often done as performances, which is why sexual activity is excluded for the most part. When ripe rigging is done on a stage, the focus is on the energy between the people involved and the way the rope rigger works his magic with incredible techniques. Also, rope riggers often have their own style, which makes it so thrilling to watch.
2. Service Submissives
If you’re a submissive, you may already be aware of the term “service submissives”. These submissives are all about serving their Master or Mistress in the role of servants. The point is to serve their dominant in whatever they may need. Domestic servants represent a specific type of service submissives and they focus on domestic work. Yes, cleaning the house can be a kink. Domestic servants do everything their dominant needs, including chores, meals, etc., and they will get rewarded.
The driving motivation behind domestic servants is knowing they’re fulfilling the needs of their dominant and making their lives easier. Practitioners of this type of kink are very happy doing that and they even find it very peaceful. There’s something about being useful that truly resonates with these submissives. Plus, they reach a kind of zen-like state by focusing their energy into something concrete. Of course, this is not for everyone, but many people enjoy the role of a domestic servant.
3. Dominatrix
Contrary to popular belief, Dominatrixes and Dommes don’t usually engage in sexual activity with their submissives. Remember this is about control, and many Dominatrixes and Dommes are not focused on giving the submissive what they long for. And for the submissive, that’s a huge part of the thrill. The whole point of this type of roleplay is that you’re denied you’re pleasure and you’re humiliated (with your consent).
It becomes unbearable for submissives to never get what they want from their dominant, and that’s the point. Some Dommes and Dominatrixes don’t even touch their submissives. Yes, it can be that extreme. Best case scenario, submissives are allowed some release, but they have to do it themselves, and that release can take weeks or even months. The Dominatrix or Domme dynamic is all about control. Sex is not the priority.
4. Determine Your Sexless Kink
Many people who engage in kink are all about sex. They get into BDSM to spice things up and make their sex life better. But for some, kink is not about sex at all; it goes beyond that. Whether that’s because of their personality, desires, or needs it’s all up to them.
If you’re serious about enjoying BDSM, you should determine what your sexless kink is. Being a part of the BDSM community is like being in Willy Wonka’s factory. There are so many things to try and to discover, it’s impossible to stick to just one thing. You should allow yourself the pleasure of exploring different things. As long as you’re on board, everything is allowed.
BDSM is a world of fun, all you need to do is be more open to things. Of course, we all have our hard limits. There are things some people are just not open to try, and that’s fine. But there are so many other things you could enjoy, it would be silly to deny yourself of that.
