Tabuu Wrap-up: Do you know how it is to live as submissive? It’s probably not what you think!
Many people wonder what it’s like to have a dominant/submissive or d/s relationship. Particularly those who are interested in giving it a shot as a submissive. However, there are many misconceptions about what that’s like. Let’s get one thing straight right now. Submissives don’t spend their days on their knees waiting for commands.
The dominant/submissive relationship is not for everyone, and committing to it 24/7, 365 days a year is not easy. But whatever you think you know about this interaction, you’re probably mistaken.
Before you write this off as too kinky for your liking or too impractical, let me explain what a day in the life of a submissive looks like. This is from the perspective of a submissive (we’ll refer to her as “S”) who calls her dominant “Daddy” but remember d/s relationships are not exclusive to heterosexual couples.
Starting the Day
For S, the day begins the night before, when she sets up the coffee pot for the morning. That’s the first task of the day; making sure Daddy has a hot cup of coffee at the ready with the push of a button.
5:30 a.m. S wakes up and she goes about her morning routine. She checks her social media, checks her email, etc. In this situation, the dominant wakes up first, which is why S prepares the coffee pot the night before.
6:00 a.m. It’s breakfast smoothie time and she also prepares the cup of coffee Daddy will take to work.
6:30 a.m. A kiss goodbye and a little extra. Sometimes that little extra involves edging, which means you’re brought to the edge of orgasm but are not allowed to come. Sometimes it’s just kissing until the world fades. The goal is the same: to be on her mind for a while.
After that S gets dressed, and she only wears panties if Daddy has picked them out. If he hasn’t, then she doesn’t. When S knows the outfit requires a pair of panties, she will request them before he leaves or ask him if she can choose them herself via text. If she’s allowed to pick them, she must send a picture wearing them.
Once she’s dressed, the day is hers! In this case, they’re married with children (yes, a d/s relationship can happen when you have children). She takes the kids to school, checks the schedule for her work, runs errands, decides what she’s going to cook for dinner, does some cleaning, etc.
She decides what will be cooked, what has to be cleaned, and what she needs to buy, but she will still get his opinion and find out if there’s something specific he needs her to get done. Decisions are made freely throughout the day, though, so she goes about the day as normal.
1:30 p.m. It’s lunchtime, and if S is on schedule with everything, they will talk during Daddy’s lunch hour. They connect, check in, and it’s an opportunity to take a break from everything else and talk about everything. Whenever S has to skip the call because she has work to do, they’re a little off for the rest of the day.
Daddy Comes Home!
5:00 p.m. Daddy’s already at home at this time, and unless S has a deadline, her work is also done for the day. At this time, the focus is on Daddy and the kids. She cooks dinner, they all eat together, then she cleans the kitchen, and she packs lunch for Daddy. She prefers to do this the night before, otherwise, she will be running around in the morning.
6:30 p.m. They take a walk. Sometimes it’s a short walk to the mailbox, sometimes it’s around the block. This allows them to get some exercise, fresh air, and talk about things that are not meant for little eats. Walks are only canceled due to bad weather or illness.
7:00 p.m. At this time, they take a shower together. When you have kids, this kind of relationship is a little bit more difficult to have. Which is why you make the most of each moment you can take advantage of.
8:00 p.m. Lights out, kids are in bed. This is when S prepares the coffee pot and dessert. When dessert is ready, she kneels in front of him and gives it to him. It’s a small act of submission, but it goes a long way.
9:30 p.m. or later. Between shower and bedtime, S sets the alarm and readies everything for bed, which is also a required task. Then, she kneels and waits for permission to get in bed. This is a bit kinkier. If they have the time and energy for it, there will be a spanking session, which can be quick or longer with a paddle, crop, or flogger.
They don’t have sex every night, which may be shocking to some people. It’s another common misconception to believe that people in dominant/submissive relationships have sex all the time. But d/s is not just about sexual pleasure. Sex is not the only form of submission, as you can see from what we’ve described so far. It’s a way of life.
Submissives have very specific tasks they need to complete throughout the day, but a big part of the day they’re on their own. They make their own choices and they defer to their dominant partner only when they’re unsure about something.
In this case, where they’re married with children, S doesn’t call him “Daddy” in front of them. Any issues that need to be discussed about the dynamic are discussed in private, never in front of the kids. They rarely disagree because they understand each other, and they have a clear dynamic that’s consensual. They show each other respect and submissives don’t do anything they don’t want to do.
He supports her career goals and her dreams, even if they interfere with the tasks she has to perform as a submissive. That means being submissive is not disruptive to one’s life. If for any reason S can’t prepare the coffee or make breakfast, he can do it himself and he’s more than willing. If she’s sick or in pain for some reason, she’s not allowed to kneel, which is something she enjoys a lot.
Even though tasks are important in the dominant/submissive relationship, being fully committed to this lifestyle is not just about the tasks. When you’re a submissive, the experience is about knowing that the partner is always the dominant. You know this no matter where you are or what you’re doing, and that’s exciting for you.
If a day in the life of a submissive seems too repressive for you or it’s not something you would happily engage with, then being dominant/submissive all the time is not for you. And that’s fine! It doesn’t have to be a 24/7 kind of thing; there are many ways to engage in the lifestyle. It’s all about looking for the one that works best for you as a couple.
Remember we’re all different and unique. That means that there are hundreds if not thousands of different ways to engage in a dominant/submissive lifestyle. If you want to make it work, then you need to find your own way of doing things. In the end, it’s all about being honest, having consent, communicating, and being willing to make it work.
It’s also very important to do your research. You can’t go into a dominant/submissive relationship if all you know is based on popular misconceptions. D/s relationships are not truthfully portrayed in movies, so you need to educate yourself. Do your research, reach out to people who have been committed to this lifestyle for a while, read as much as you can, and determine what you like as well as what you don’t like about it.
The more you know, the better! If you’re going to do this, you need to do it right. Which is why you can’t rely on the pop culture concept of dominant/submissive relationships. Otherwise, you’re not giving it a fair chance and you’ll be denying yourself of something that could change your life forever.