Tabuu Wrap-up: We all experience orgasms differently, and sometimes those differences are determined by gender and anatomy.

Contrary to what many people believe, orgasms shouldn’t be the end goal of any sexual encounter between partners. However, that doesn’t mean we don’t always want to come, hard, and more than once. When you get naked with your partner and you start having fun with each other, there’s no doubt that the orgasms are the goal. However, they shouldn’t be the only goal. What about having fun, connecting, and loving each other? Remember how important those are as well!

Now that that’s clear, it’s important to understand one very simple fact of life: everyone experiences orgasms differently. Many factors make our orgasm experience very different, including sexuality, desires, needs, and wants. But anatomy and gender actually make the most difference! Female and male orgasms are nothing alike, and today we’ll learn the 5 most essential differences between the two.

1. Female Orgasms Can Go in Many Different Directions

We can all agree that most sexual pleasure takes place in our minds, independent of what genitals we’re working with. However, the male orgasm is very clear cut. When you stroke the penis up and down or include other types of enjoyable stimulation, the orgasm will come from only one place, the penis.

When it comes to the female orgasm, things are very different because their orgasms can go in many different directions. What we see in porn are vaginal orgasms, but in reality, only 25% of women can consistently reach orgasms through vaginal penetration. Most women need other type of stimulation at the same time, such as clitoral stimulation.

There’s not just one type of female orgasm and the road to climax is not as straightforward as that of men. Sometimes women need G-spot stimulation, cervical stimulation, nipple stimulation, clitoral stimulation, or a combination of everything, and other things. Not to mention our head needs to be in the moment. That makes the path to female orgasm long and winding. What makes things truly frustrating is that what works today for women, may not work tomorrow.

2. The Mystery of the Clitoris

The clitoris is the home of at least 8,000 nerve endings, which is a whole lot more than the penis. How can something so sensitive be so mysterious? Well, it is! Most people don’t have a clue how much clitorises are like penises. You couldn’t tell by looking at the two side by side but looks can be deceiving.

According to Sigmund Freud, clitoral orgasms are “adolescent phenomenon”. Many people of both genders either can’t find the clitoris or ignore it altogether. There are even people who hate masturbation and call the clitoris the “devil’s doorbell.” But regardless of what skeptics may think of the clitoris, it only exists for a purpose and that’s to provide pure pleasure.

Clitorises that are larger or closer to the vaginal opening may likely lead to more orgasms. Because this little thing has such a massive network of nerves and how deep these nerves extend into the body, what causes greater stimulation during intercourse may have more to do with the clitoris than the G-spot.

However, what lies at the center of the female orgasm truly hasn’t been researched enough, so it’s not well understood. Plus, it’s not even taken into account how people experience their own bodies. The truth is that the penis and male sexuality as a whole is a lot less questioned or debated.

3. Female Orgasms Are Celebrated or Ignored, There’s No In-Between

Depending on who you ask, female orgasms are either extremely ignored or vigorously celebrated. Male orgasms are a little less relevant because it’s a given and they’re more straightforward. Female orgasms are more elusive and complex.

Too many people ignore female orgasms, including women. But that has a lot to do with how we’re educated about female pleasure. We’re taught that female orgasms are impossible to get, they’re not important, or they’re too rare to care about. Not to mention many people believe vaginal orgasms are the only kind of orgasm, and when they don’t achieve them during intercourse, they think something must be wrong with them.

On the other side of the spectrum, some people think of female orgasms as a badge of honor. If you’ve made a woman scream, pull your hair out, or scratch your back, you’re a hero. You’re the real deal! However, female orgasms are mostly thought of as an achievement for the partner, not for the person who experiences the orgasm. How funny!

4. Male Orgasms Are Unquestionable

Male orgasms are so straightforward, no one ever questions how or why they happen. It seems like all you need to do is stimulate the penis vigorously until they ejaculate, and that’s it. Female orgasms are not straightforward at all and they can happen in many different ways. However, people have been taught to believe female orgasms can only happen vaginally, and we have Sigmund Freud to thank for that.

When it comes to the G-spot, scientists are still debating its existence. The only difference is that the discussion about it has become more sophisticated. Of course, some scientists don’t argue the existence of the G-spot at all. That has led the conversation to evolve. The main discussion about the G-spot is not whether it exists, but why some people find G-spot stimulation pleasurable and others don’t.

And let’s not forget about ejaculation. While male orgasms and ejaculation are so straightforward and accepted as such, female ejaculation is anything but. Scientists simply can’t agree about what’s in the liquid some women expel during orgasm, so they can’t say for sure it’s ejaculation.

5. When Men Come, It’s All Over

If you ask women how many times they’ve been left hanging during sex right after the man has climaxed, they wouldn’t be able to tell you simply because they’ve lost count. Giving women an orgasm is not the main goal for many male partners. The truth is that some male partners only care about their own pleasure or they truly believe what they do is enough. Sex is done once the man comes, that’s the rule. But the women are a long way from coming!

To avoid this issue, the key is to spend more time during foreplay. Female orgasms make penetration a lot easier and pleasurable, not only because things get wetter, but they also get hotter and sexier. In the end, both partners will have an amazing time and end up satisfied.

I don’t mean to criticize men. The truth is that if you’re never been taught how important it is to pay attention to female pleasure as well as your own, you won’t do it in the moment. In the heat of the moment, you’ll only think of yourself because you weren’t taught (or you haven’t taught yourself) to care for your partner’s pleasure as well. Let’s be honest, men learn a lot about sex from porn, and porn is not an accurate depiction of how female pleasure works.

Many of us, both men and women, are taught that sex is always initiated by men and it ends once they have their orgasm. The problem with that is that the female orgasm and male orgasm are two different. One is rather linear, and the other one has a lot more twists and turns. Either way, figuring out what pleasure feels like is a very individual experience and it’s a lot like solving a puzzle. You never know what’s going to work, but you have to try everything.

Orgasms can be truly amazing and elating experiences, independent of our gender. They can be mind-blowing, help us relieve pain, release stress, and be happier. Not to mention the experience is relaxing and it allows us to live in the moment. Until science can give us some answers, it’s up to us to determine how our sexual pleasure works. It’s our responsibility not only to discover what works for us but also to show our partners!