It’s undeniable that threesomes are alluring and intriguing for many people. In fact, having a threesome seems to be one of the top sexual fantasies for men and women. In the very least, people are interested in them and curious about what it would be like to have a little ménage à trois action.

However interested people may be in threesomes, surveys have shown that not many people actually have them. According to a survey, 82% of men and 31% of women are interested in having a threesome. However, the same survey showed that only 3% of people had one in the last year and only 1% had one last month, as of the time of the survey. What this proves is that threesomes are mostly kept as fantasies.

That’s why I decided to reach out to people who do engage in threesomes regularly or semi-regularly. I learned a lot about how to make threesomes happen, what’s their appeal and I gained a bit of understanding about the logistics behind it. I’ll be sharing all this with you today!

How Do People Set Up Threesomes?

Believe it or not, there are many people out there looking for the same experience you are. According to people who have been non-monogamous for a while, you do develop a sort of sixth sense. In the very least, you get better at reading people’s vibes when you’re out and about. You become a little bit more aware of people and your surroundings, which can lead to good old hook ups.

Of course, some people are more sexually picky than others. For some, it’s all about the thrill of being with someone with whom you share a raw, kind of animal sexual connection. For others, it takes a lot more than that. Compatibility is important to them, which is why they put may have exhaustive vetting processes. This is also a good way to find people that are willing to comply with your limits as a couple.

Online dating sites are another great way to find the perfect match for a threesome. These platforms connect you to like-minded people and they make way for consensual, fun experiences. It’s different than meeting people in the real world, but it’s just as effective. Of course, people who meet this way still set up dates to make sure the vibe is right and then you can take things to the next level.

Couples that engage in non-monogamous activities often work as a team as well. This means they approach people together, they flirt together and this allows them to gauge whether or not the person is interested. The trick is flirting enough to make your intentions obvious, but not too much that they’re scared away. If they’re not interested, it’s easy to shut it down and move on; it’s not as awkward as you’d think!

What Makes Threesomes So Sexy?

For swingers, there are many things that make threesomes very sexy. For some, what makes threesomes so hot is the fact that you’re sharing the experience of seducing someone with your partner and eventually being intimate together. This is a unique experience and it’s hot because you’re doing it with someone you love.

Threesomes are also as hot as the people involved, it can be as simple as that. If sex with your partner is hot and you find another person extremely sexy, having sex with both of them at once will be even hotter. It’s not only about the experience, it’s about the people you share it with.

For other people the appeal and hotness of threesomes has a lot to do with porn, the way it feels like you’re in a porno movie and you’re also a part of it, and the fact that there’s still some taboo around threesomes make it that much better.

Another thing people seem to find very sexy about threesomes is that you have the opportunity to push your partner’s buttons. You’re engaging with a third person, after all, and you can learn a lot more about your partner by seeing the way they interact with someone new for them, someone with whom they don’t have the same emotional attachment. Plus, you can also learn a lot about yourself!

Many people enjoy threesomes because they find it’s incredibly arousing to see their partner engage with someone else. Plus, threesomes can go all night, which makes it an entirely different experience on its own. In short, many things about threesomes are hot if you’re engaging with the right people.

How Do People Get Into Threesomes?

How people get into threesomes really depends on many factors. Sometimes the suggestion is made, other times couples look for it. If we get right down to the essentials, how couples get into threesomes is very personal. It could be a sexual fantasy that’s been on your mind forever and you feel like you’re finally with someone you can share that with. It could be a spur of the moment kind of thing. Or maybe you’ve both had threesomes separately, back when you were single, and now you want to know what it’s like to have a threesome with your partner. There’s no manual to it!

What Are the Most Common Boundaries?

Non-monogamous couples who engage with threesomes and other fantasies often have strict rules and boundaries. The most common one seems to be: no emotional intimacy. At the end of the day, secondary partners and engaging in threesomes and other fantasies are only about sex. This is why many couples make a rule not to kiss, cuddle or share emotional intimacy with secondary partners.

Another common rule is to avoid both total strangers and close friends. This is a casual thing, but couples always seem to have standards. The majority prefers to engage in threesomes with people who are single and open to all genders. It’s also necessary that both you and your partner share a connection with the third individual. Otherwise you could be in for a disaster.

Perhaps the most important rule non-monogamous couples have when it comes to engaging with threesomes is everyone must be on the same page. If one of you is not feeling up to it, there’s no “taking one for the team”. The rule is: if you’re not enthusiastic about it, don’t do it. You can communicate about the reasons why you’re not up for it, and work from there, but never go into it without truly wanting to.

What Are the Logistics of Threesomes?

It’s safe to say all couples will discover what works best for them when it comes to threesomes. Perhaps the most important thing is finding a third party who’s as excited about hooking up with you as you are about hooking up with them. Otherwise, it can be a very disappointing experience. The point of threesomes is everyone involved should be having fun and should want to engage in the fantasy. If that’s not possible with someone you have your eye on, the best thing is to move on.

The way you manage your time and attention during the threesome also seems to be important. After all, you don’t want anyone to feel left out and you want to enjoy every person as best as possible. You should also take breaks in between threesomes to focus on each other as a couple if you plan to do it regularly. Remember, threesomes are a fantasy, they’re not your entire relationship.

Another logistical factor is making sure you use condoms and having enough for the night. Having a big bed and a spacious bedroom is also important, as well as an extra room for the other person to stay the night. Many couples actually decide to have threesomes and other non-monogamous encounters outside of the home they share, it’s another common rule or limitation. Some people are just not comfortable mixing things up and they prefer a hotel or the home of the third person involved.

What Are the Most Common Misconceptions About Threesomes?

Perhaps one of the most common misconceptions about threesomes is that it’s an approved way of cheating on each other. That’s not the case at all! Many people also seem to think that threesomes can be really awkward, but they’re not meant to be. Especially not when you’ve found someone with whom you both share a great sexual connection, which is actually kind of a requirement for threesomes. Expectations should also be discussed openly so everyone’s on the same page; awkwardness can be easily avoided.

It’s also common for people to think that bisexual or bi-curious people are automatically into threesomes. The assumption is wrong simply because we’re all different. Some of us are open to non-monogamous relationships and some of us are not. Either way, it’s perfectly okay. People also tend to believe threesomes are a fix, a sign that something’s not right in the relationship and you’re looking for fulfillment elsewhere, which is far from the truth in most cases.

What Makes a Threesome Good or Bad?

Having a successful threesome depends on many factors, the most important one being: communication. You want to let your third people know beforehand that it’s perfectly okay to tap out at any point if they want to. Especially if it’s their first time having sex with a woman or a man.

When you’re planning a threesome, it’s also important to ask yourselves why you want to do it. Make sure you’re each doing it because you want to, not to please anyone else. Also, be ready to laugh at yourselves. Sex can be awkward between two people even if they already know each other, bringing a third one into it won’t make it any less awkward at first. But you will found your rhythm more easily if you make light on the awkwardness.

Some people also find porn helpful; you can definitely gain a better sense of the kinds of positions and the play that will work best. Plus, watching porn in preparation for a threesome can help you feel a little bit more confident and secure. For many people it’s a lot better than going in blind.

At the end of the day, having sex with more than one person at a time is difficult. It doesn’t matter how much prep work you do, it won’t be a flawless experience. However, that doesn’t mean it won’t be good. The best thing you can all do to make sure you all have a great time is discuss your expectations beforehand, as well as your likes and dislikes, and your limits. Also, don’t be afraid to fail! It’s okay to have a “meh” threesome, you’ll learn from it, just like you learned to have better sex throughout the years.