If you’ve talked the talk, it’s time to walk the walk. Let’s say you’ve been reading our articles, talking things over with your couple, and you finally feel ready to get into swinging and threesomes. I’m sure you’re wondering how to get started, and is there some sort of service that will deliver the perfect swinger couple to our home? That would be great, but sadly, it’s not how it works!
To help you out, today we want to get down to basics. We will discuss how you move to the land of swingers and how you can get started on your fantasy. The transition can be a bit challenging; there’s definitely a learning curve to this lifestyle, but once you find your pace as a couple and you feel more comfortable, you’ll realize you were right to give swinging and threesomes a try.
Of course, we encourage you to live your fantasies as long as you’re not in it for the wrong reasons. Swinging and threesome are not band-aids for relationship issues; they’re a way to explore your sexuality together and spice things up in a consensual way. That being said, let’s get into what it takes to get started on swinging and threesomes!
1. Communication Is Essential
If you’ve read any of our other articles on the subject, you know communication always makes an appearance. That’s because it can’t be stressed enough just how important communication is when you want to get into swinging and threesomes. It’s not just about discussing why you want to get into this lifestyle and setting up ground rules so you can be comfortable.
Communication needs to be ongoing; it’s the oil that will keep this engine running. When you make the decision to have an open relationship, jealousy is not the only thing you must look out for. Yes, jealousy is very common in open relationships, but sometimes it works as a disguise for other issues.
It’s expected to feel jealousy, envy or shock when you see your partner getting involve with someone else and vice versa. It can even be a big shock. This is because you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a long time and we’re also subconsciously trained to react this way to these kinds of situations. However, that’s the way we would react if it wasn’t consensual. In this case, you’re both on board with becoming involved with other people. You’ve set boundaries and you’ve agreed you want to do this.
That doesn’t mean there won’t be a learning curve. Opening up to swinging and threesomes will trigger these reactions and emotions. However, it’s important to be open about them and communicate with each other. The worst thing you can do is dismiss your feelings or thoughts, especially when they’re not positive. However small your emotional fluctuations may be, it’s important that you shed light on them with your partner. It will not only keep you sane, it will allow you to hash things out and figure out if these feelings actually have a leg to stand on. It will also give your partner a better understanding, and it will open the floor for discussion if they happen to be feeling the same way.
Unaddressed feelings have a way of turning into cancer for your thoughts, so make a habit of communicating. It doesn’t matter how annoying you feel, there’s no such thing as too much communication when you’re making such a big change in your life, and you both need to be on the same page on that.
2. Do an Overview of Non-Monogamous Activities
Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, the sky is really the limit when it comes to sexuality. When consensual people come together, many wonderful things can happen. However, it’s important you do your homework first. When you want to dip your toes into this, you should have a clear idea of how many types of non-monogamous activities there are and which one are the more attractive for you as a couple.
The first thing you need to decide together is how many people you’re willing to invite into your bedroom. If you want to start with a threesome, what kind of threesome should it be? Do you want to invite a man or a woman? Do you want them to be experienced or at your level? These are questions you should be asking yourselves. Whether you decide to invite a man or a woman into your bed will depend on the sexual flexibility of one of you. If the female is bi-curious, bringing in a female makes most sense. If the make is bi-curious, then another male will be okay. Or if you don’t have an issue going either way, you can have one threesome with a male and then another one with a female or jump into it and bring in a couple.
Non-monogamy is as flexible as you’d like it to be. You set the terms and you decide what to make of it. The only thing I wouldn’t recommend is jumping into the deep end of the pool right away. Instead of jumping into orgy action as your first non-monogamous activity, see how you feel with a threesome. Then, if you find a couple you connect with, you could give foursomes a try. After that, you can go to swinger parties, join swinger clubs, and up your game. You set your own pace, so think it through and take your time deciding what you want to do first.
3. Who Should It Be?
Once you’ve decided what you want to do, the next step is thinking about who you want to do it with. The time is here to invite other people into your relationship! It’s exciting, it’s a bit nerve-wracking at first, but it’s a lot of fun. When you find the people that just fit perfectly into your relationship dynamic, you’ll understand why swinging is so popular around the world.
One of the easiest ways to find people you might want to bring into your relationship is through websites for swingers. Online dating sites exist to connect with people who are interested in the same things, so they could be the perfect place to start. It’s not as spontaneous as picking someone up in a bar, but it’s a safer way to get into swinging and threesomes. Picking people up can be very difficult, especially if you still don’t frequent swinger parties and clubs.
Online dating site are an easy way to find people who are already experienced with swinging and threesomes and are willing to teach you a thing or two. That being said, you can always choose to pick people up the standard way instead. You could find someone who’s not a part of the lifestyle, as swinging is often referred to, but who are still interested in threesomes.
Pick ups have their own advantages. For one, it’s very easy to have this person out of your lives if you want to. This is not an advantage if you decide to go with a friend, for instance. You might have set your sights on a friend you think might be open to it and you want to give a try. If that’s the case, dropping hints and waiting for them to pick them up might not be the best way to go. Being honest is always the best course of action. Communicate that there’s absolutely no pressure, but you and your partner are interested in having fun with them if that’s something they’d like to do. Be prepared for the worst, but expect the best, as this has worked for many swingers.
4. The Only Thing Left to Do Is… Do It!
You will soon reach a point where your prep work will be done, your communication skills will be on fire and you will have settled on someone you want to invite to your bed. You’ll be confident this person (or people…) are exactly what you’re looking for, you’ve connected and you have the same expectations. What does all this mean? It means you’ll be ready to go! There are no more steps to go through.
It seems like a no-brainer, right? Everything’s ready, you’re into it. But you might get a little cold feel when the reality of the threesome is undeniable. It might be tempting to delay because “you’re not feeling too well this weekend”, postpone or change things around. To many this might be a sign of the subconscious mind that means you don’t really want to do this. But you need to squash that thought.
If you’ve been honest with yourself and with your partner, your intentions haven’t changed. You’re just nervous, it doesn’t mean you don’t want to do it, it means you’re afraid of change. This is where communication is important. Sit down with your partner and hash things out. Make a pact; nothing that happens during this first experimentation will change your relationship.
There’s no judgment, nothing will be held against one another, and it’s a completely safe space. Any concerns can be discussed at any moment, even if it threatens to spoil the mood, and remind yourselves of the limits you’ve set together. Respect each other’s limitations so you can explore this beautiful experience together.
When it comes right down to it, the best thing you can do is just go for it! Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and get into it. If it turns out you don’t enjoy the fantasy in real life, you can tap out of it at any time and you won’t have to do it again. But if this is really something you’re interested in, give it your best shot. You’ll never know how you truly feel about it if you don’t try it. It could easily be one of the best moments of your lives as a couple, you never know!
Final Words
Beginning your swinging adventure and taking your sexual experimentation more seriously is a great thing. It can be a bit nerve-wrecking at first, but that’s how we usually feel about new experiences. You may find you love this path you’ve decided to take, or maybe you’ll find out it’s not really for you.
Whatever the case may be, you won’t know until you’ve tried. If you’ve fantasized about these things for so long and you can’t keep them out of your head, there’s no time like the present to make them a reality. Non-monogamy opens up many wonderful things for you and your partner, and many swingers swear it has brought them closer together, made their relationship stronger. It’s all about how you approach it; which should be with communication, honesty and a desire to have fun and enjoy each other.
