Tabuu Wrap-up: Pleasure and connection should be the focus of sexual exploration. Sex toys can help you discover the first, and lead to the second!

When it comes to sex, many people still feel a lot of shame about exposing certain parts of their bodies or talking openly about their true desires and fantasies. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you’ve felt sexual guilt or shame. Maybe you feel like there’s something wrong with the things you enjoy. Maybe you wonder whether you have too much sex drive.

If you have, just know that this is very common and it usually stems from experiencing some form of sexual shame. If you never have, then you’re very lucky because it’s very rare not to go through something like that.

Although sexual shame originates externally, whether from parents, partners, friends, culture, education, religion, etc., it still feels like it’s something that comes from within. When you feel shame about anything sexual, whether that’s masturbating, fantasizing, or having sex with someone, you assume there’s something wrong with what you want. You never realize that the shame or guilt are not innate and they’re not innately wrong.

But when you do the work and think about the things that make you feel shame and you determine where they come from, you realize those feelings are bullshit. However, the realization doesn’t always automatically make the shame or guilt disappear. That stuff sticks!

So, what can you do to overcome this? Well, there are many things you can do. Including therapy, analyzing the feelings when they arise instead of accepting them at face value, and being more open about your sexuality.

Sex toys also help. Like, a lot! You wouldn’t think that because sex toys carry their own stigma around them and they’re still a bit taboo. But if you’re willing to give them a try and you’ve been wanting to try them, you will soon realize how much they will help you not only overcome sexual shame, but also improve the way you feel about your body, how you experience pleasure and your view on sex in general.

Here are 10 reasons why sex toys can finally set you free from your sexual guilt and shame:

1. Sexual Play Is Very Powerful

There’s a good reason why sex toys are not named “tools” or “implements”. Sometimes they’re called “adult products” but that’s uncommon and extremely vague. The term is sex toys and this is important because it implies exploration, fun, creativity, and freedom.

That is precisely what sex toys are for! Sex toys change your perspective entirely because they allow you to see your body as an area to be explored instead of something that’s strictly functional. The reality is that our bodies are a playground and it’s important to explore them.

2. The More You Know About Your Body, the Better

According to research, women who use vibrators are more likely to get gynecological exams and breast exams more frequently. When you feel shame, the emotion can be so strong that you do everything you can to avoid it. When that shame is focused on your body, it leads to neglect.

Shame leads to being embarrassed about certain things, such as talking to your doctor about contraception or your sex life in general. You just avoid having the attention be on your body for too long. But believe it or not, sex toys can help with that! Why? Because they will allow you to know your body on a more intimate level and be a lot more comfortable with it than ever before. Sex toys also teach you to appreciate your body, which leads to taking better care of them and feel better in your own skin.

3. Sex Toys Will Empower You

Vibrators hit the market between the mid-60s and early 70s. Back then, sex toys were considered a part of the female empowerment movement. Up until that point, the idea of female sexual pleasure always included a male partner. Vibrators, and other sex toys, changed that and they liberated and expanded the female orgasm. No, a male partner is not required.

What sex toys have done is teach us we can have orgasms any time we want, independent from anyone else. Now, don’t get me wrong, partnered sex is amazing and beautiful. Sex toys are not meant to replace that. But they are meant to help us liberate our own sexuality from all the shackles imposed by culture, society, religion, upbringing, etc. The point of sex toys is not only to help you explore pleasure and your own body but also to take charge.

4. They Will Help You Override Your Inhibitions

Sex toys are built for a purpose and the high-quality ones are extremely good at fulfilling that purpose. For people who experience sexual shame, that shame can be very debilitating in the sense that it completely blocks you from experiencing pleasure. Sex toys will override your inhibitions by creating powerful sensations that allow you to break through the shame.

Another great thing about sex toys is they do everything for you. This means you can focus on relaxing and getting out of your head for a bit so you can be in the right mindset to have fun with yourself and experience pleasure.

5. They Help You Fantasize

Sex toys don’t have an agenda; you can do whatever you want with them. That means you can let your imagination run loose and that’s great! Our desires and fantasizes are very personal and unique. They’re a big part of what makes us so interesting and unique.

Your imagination is a safe place to explore your sexuality, what you like, and what you might want to try with a partner later on. Sexually exercising your imagination is very important for your sex life. If you never give yourself the chance to fantasize about what you want in bed, it’s likely you won’t have any ideas when the time comes. And that won’t make for a very exciting sex life.

6. They Encourage Connection and Communication

When you play with sex toys, you improve your sexual repertoire and that’s very important for a healthy sex life, especially when you’re with someone. Just remember to be respectful about it. If your partner hasn’t played with sex toys, they may not respond very well if you just spring it on them.

If you want to integrate sex toys into your sex life with your partner, you’ll need to talk to them about it. Explain what kind of sex toys you like, what you like doing with them, what you want to do with them in the company of your partner and ask what they think about that. You must be honest and also show interest in their desires, so you can come to an agreement.

7. They Promote the Full Sexual Exploration of Your Body

Sexual shame is not the same as body shame, but they’re paired together. After all, a big part of sexual shame is feeling worried about your body and how it will be perceived by your partner. This makes it difficult for you to enjoy yourself in the bedroom, so it’s all connected. Unfortunately, our culture is very centered on looks and that can seep into your mind.

However, exploring your body with sex toys can free yourself from that and allow you to switch the focus to how your body feels. When you focus on making your body feel good, you will feel a lot better about your body.

8. Sex Toys Make You More Confident

You know that saying, that to get the sex you want, you need to ask for it? That’s actually great advice. The problem is that many people don’t even know what they want because they’re too ashamed to explore their bodies and desires. If you don’t know what you want, how can you communicate with someone else?

Playing with sex toys will gradually make you more confident about what you want, enough to talk about it more openly. When you experiment with yourself and you discover what works for you, it becomes easier for you to communicate your desires to someone else and guide them so they can learn to please you. Which is the same you must do for them!

9. They Will Improve Your Sexual Function

There’s an old misconception about vibrators that suggests they will decrease your ability to enjoy sex with someone else. But that’s the opposite of what happens! The truth is playing with sex toys will improve your sexual function, arousal, and will make your orgasms a lot more intense. It turns out sexual function is a muscle, so if you exercise it often, it will get stronger, leading to better sex.

10. They Promote Self-Love

Last but not least, it’s important to note that sex toys promote self-love. Masturbation, which is literally making love to yourself, is the greatest act of self-love. You give yourself the pleasure you deserve, you connect with yourself on a deeper level, and you let go of anything else that may be weighing you down for a moment.

When you’re playing with yourself you don’t feel bad about yourself. On the contrary, you feel beautiful, sexy, sensual, and capable. You’re alone with yourself and that leads to connecting with yourself on a deeper level. Not to mention it makes you feel amazing! When you’re done, you’ll be happy, stress-free, your self-esteem will get a boost, and you’ll feel extremely comfortable in your skin.