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Tabuu Wrap-up: Planning doesn’t kill the vibe, it allows you to have better sex!
We’ve always been told spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment sex is always the best. However, if you’re like most of us, you’ll have tons of commitments on the daily. Surviving all of them is quite a challenge.
Work, family, hobbies, food, and sleep are only a few of the things that take a big chunk of your time, so it won’t always be convenient to have sex right on the spot. Don’t get me wrong! Spontaneity is still important. But there comes a time where you need to plan for sex if you want it to be a priority.
Sexual Satisfaction and the Science Behind It
The Journal of Sex Research published a study they did on people who plan ahead and it showed they are more sexually satisfied than people who are more spontaneous about getting it on.
Also, Ruhr University Bochum psychologists in German suveyed over 960 couples about their personality traits and the quality of their sex lives. What this survey showed is that couples who plan are more sexually fulfilled. Psychologists also suggested these couples may have longer, more fulfilling relationships and that when you carve time out of your day for intimacy, it also improves your communication as a couple.
So, how can you start planning your sex life? Here are a few tips to help you out:
1. Schedule Your Dates
Many people think that scheduling completely obliterates spontaneity. You only schedule things like dentist appointments, doctor appointments, important meetings, and things like that. But that’s not true. Sometimes you need to schedule for me time, time with your kids, time for your hobbies, and in this case, time for your partner.
Scheduling things doesn’t kill spontaneity simply because you’re not scheduling what you’re doing during that date with your partner. You don’t have a script, no one is feeding you lines on what to do. You still have a ton of room to be spontaneous and live in the moment. You’re just planning so you can have the time to do that. Plus, it’s something to look forward to! Use that date to build up excitement and expectation what will happen later in the car at the parking lot, or at home, whatever you want!
Like I said earlier, when you schedule a date you’re not planning every move you’re going to make. You don’t need to come up with elaborate schemes to spice up your sex life during that time. Keep it simple, be present, connect with your partner, and go with the flow, do what feels right at the moment.
3. Build Excitement and Anticipation
Knowing a date is coming beforehand, can allow you to think of ways to build up excitement and anticipation during your date. So when you finally do get to have sex, is super hot and steamy. So, be flirty the entire day, send sexy messages, maybe some risqué pictures, and be a complete tease during your date. Trust me, it will be worth it.
4. Have Flexible Expectations
Dates won’t always turn out like we want them to, but that’s okay. Just be flexible with your expectations. If possible, don’t have them at all and simply go with the flow. Just show up, do whatever you need to do to feel sexy, and focus on being present with your partner.
A lot can happen on a date and it doesn’t necessarily has to lead to intercourse. You can engage in mutual masturbation, go with just oral sex, massage each other, or simply lay naked together. Anything you do can be super hot as long as you’re both enjoying each other.
6. Do This Regularly
Let’s face it, the more you have sex, the more you want it. It’s not something you get tired of. Which is why you need to make it a priority and you should schedule regular sex dates. You’ll never regret carving the time to just be a couple and talk, kiss, touch each other, or having sex.
7. Use It or Lose It
Yes, we lead very busy lives, but that’s no excuse. The most common mistakes couples make, especially married couples with kids, is not making their sex life a priority along with everything else on the list. If you’re going to wait for the right moment to just present itself, your sex life will deteriorate. After a certain point, it will be very difficult to spark up the fire once again. So, don’t let that happen! Sex doesn’t have to be your main priority, it just has to be one of them and you should treat it with the same respect. Make time for you and your partner to be a couple and to really enjoy sex, as opposed to treating it like a chore.
8. Address Any Issues
If you’re having some issues within your sexual relationship with your partner, this is the perfect opportunity to address them. It should begin with open communication about your needs and desires, and then you should pay attention to the areas that need more help. In time, you will get through the hurdles and then you can go on having a healthy sex life even if it is scheduled.
Like I said before, spontaneity is very important, but you can’t depend solely on your spontaneity when it comes to keeping the fire alive between you and your partner. To accomplish that, you need to schedule sex dates and dedicate time specifically to being together and enjoying yourselves!