Tabuu Wrap-up: Misconceptions about BDSM are common, so let us set the record straight!

BDSM is one of those things you can’t knock until you try. The reality of it is that many people don’t understand what BDSM is like. It’s not difficult to find someone who could get into a rant about how deviant BDSM is and how they could never do that. It’s so humiliating, they say. It’s aggressive and harmful. It always leads to pain and rough sex.

But most of the things that people think they know about BDSM are misconceptions. When they’re not misconceptions, they’re not a requirement to experience kink. Enjoying BDSM doesn’t look the same for everyone. There are many ways to engage with it, and that doesn’t make anyone a pervert.

We often think people who are kinkier than us are perverts, but honestly, that’s an ignorant position to take. BDSM myths are often funny because they’re so ludicrous, but most of the time they’re depressing. Even though people have learned much about kink, many still consider us crazy and they would burn us at the stake if they could. So, let’s set the record straight and debunk the 5 most common myths about BDSM!

1. BDSM Is Only About Pain

I’m not going to say pain is not a part of BDSM because that would be a lie. But it’s wrong to assume BDSM is only about pain when it’s not! Pain is only a part of your experience if you want it to be. If you don’t enjoy pain, if it doesn’t allow your senses to be heightened, then you don’t have to engage in that kind of kink play.

BDSM can be all about pain for some people, but not for everyone. If we had to reduce BDSM to only one thing, it wouldn’t be pain, it would be power exchange. Exchanging power doesn’t involve pain for everyone, some people are into the rough dominant/submissive play, but others just enjoy being blindfolded or tied up. Nothing painful going on there

2. BDSM Always Leads to Sex

This is another super common misconception. Yes, BDSM can be extremely sexual, but once again, that’s not for everyone. The main focus of BDSM is the exchange of power between the dominant and the submissive. That can easily happen without intercourse in many different ways. To say that it always leads to sex is simply not true. Many people engage in BDSM and they don’t need to have intercourse to experience deep and intense pleasure.

3. Dominants Are Abusive By Nature

This is by far one of the most ignorant assumptions people commonly make about dominants. Many people think dominants were all abused when they were kids, so they’re channeling their trauma by abusing other people in bed. I wonder why people think that… Maybe something to do with a very popular book saga that doesn’t represent BDSM in any way.

That’s not to say there aren’t dominants who do have an abusive nature or who were abused as kids, but it’s not common. It’s also worth mentioning there are people like that in all communities. Some dominants are rough and their submissives are on board with that. But not all dominants are like that. Many of them are sweet and loving. Either way, their submissives consent to the behavior of the dominant. It’s not against their will, which is the difference between dominance and abuse.

4. Submissives Think Little of Themselves

This is another ignorant assumption to make about submissives. Just because they enjoy giving up control when they’re practicing BDSM, doesn’t mean they have low self-esteem. I’m not saying there aren’t submissives who don’t have self-esteem issues. I’m saying it’s rare to find people who want to be humiliated because they have low self-esteem.

In fact, the opposite is true. Many submissives find a lot of strength in practicing BDSM and they feel more confident about themselves. Not having control can feel liberating, especially for someone who’s always in control in all aspects of their life. It’s erotic to trust someone to call the shots for once.

5. Dominants Call All the Shots

It’s not difficult to see why people may think this and it’s understandable. But it’s not the case! Dominants don’t set the terms and call all the shots; it’s the submissive who does that. Before you get into a dominant/submissive relationship, you sit down and you discuss the terms of that relationship. The dominant doesn’t do anything the submissive hasn’t signed off on.

That’s because it’s the submissive who’s on the receiving end of most of the pleasure, which can’t be determined by the dominant. No one can tell you how to experience pleasure, that’s something deeply personal and individual. So, the dominants are meeting the needs and desires of their partner, not the other way around.

Even though these are the most common myths, they’re not the only ones! However, the goal today is to debunk them and educate some of you. So, the next time you hear someone saying something that’s not correct, you can politely have a conversation about it and hopefully open their mind a little bit.