Tabuu Wrap-up: Hardcore BDSM is amazing for people who are into it, but there’s a softer side to kink as well.
Some people, when they think of BDSM, they want the hardcore version of it. The one where the woman is bound, gagged, and 100% into rough play. That’s what many people enjoy and want out of BDSM. But if you’re not one of those people, that doesn’t mean kink is not for you.
BDSM encompasses an entire universe of possibilities. It’s incredibly versatile and you can find the form of kink that suits you best. It’s a misconception to believe that BDSM is only hardcore and rough. It’s not, it’s a lot more than that and the spectrum is greatly varied. For those of you who want to experience the soft side of BDSM, here’s what you should know.
1. BDSM Can Be Focused on Sensuality
BDSM is mainly focused on a dominant/submissive dynamic where it’s all about having control (for the dominant) and giving up control (for the submissive). The d/s dynamic can take many forms, whether that’s bondage, spanking, etc. However, that’s not to say BDSM can be entirely sensual.
The soft side of BDSM consists of using silk ties or scarves instead of rope, having control over your partner’s orgasm, and it’s all about pleasure. There’s no pain. No discomfort. No use of force. Only pleasure. Sensuality in BDSM is all about using your imagination to control or be controlled without having to use pain or force.
2. BDSM Is Not Always About Intercourse
Kink is not always focused on sex, it’s often a sexual experience that entails many pleasurable activities but doesn’t always end in intercourse. Sometimes, it doesn’t even involve touching each other. That’s because BDSM explores pleasure in many different ways. Many people derive pleasure simply from being controlled and feeling vulnerable, which can happen by being tied up, spanked, etc.
In other words, people become sexually aroused by many different BDSM activities, sound as being bound, flogged, whipped, etc., but that doesn’t involve intercourse. Why? Because sex is not the point of experimenting with bondage, masochism, etc. The point is to experience those things. The takeaway here is BDSM can be about intercourse, but it’s not always the case.
It all comes down to the fact that we’re all different, and we all experience pleasure in our own way. This is exactly why BDSM is so difficult to define or to pin down to only one practice. There are just too many scenes and too many different ways to experience it, and that’s the first thing everyone should understand about it.
3. Enjoying Pain Is Not a Requirement
Yes, masochism and sadism are a part of BDSM, but that doesn’t mean they’re a requirement. As I’ve said before, there are many ways to enjoy BDSM. While some people enjoy surrendering to their Masters, others will enjoy serving their Master and some will be all about bondage. If pain is not a part of how you experience kinky pleasure, that’s perfectly okay. It’s not something you must engage with.
In fact, nothing about BDSM is forced. Everything is consensual and you decide what you want to avoid. It’s also important to note everyone in the BDSM community is respectful of their partner’s desires and needs. If you find someone who tries to force something on you, drop them and move on.
4. Determine What You Want to Engage With
If you’re taking your first steps into the BDSM scene, you must do your research. Read as much as you can and familiarize yourself as much as possible with this lifestyle. This is the only way to determine how you want to engage with BDSM in a way that’s pleasurable and safe. Also, you must be open to try things, as long as you do it safely.
Going into it, many people think they will enjoy one thing or the other. But when they try it, many discover they don’t enjoy that as much as they thought they would. This is why it’s important to try things out. As you learn more about BDSM, your limits will change. The more comfortable you are in the scene, the more you’ll want to step outside your comfort zone. Luckily, there are many things to try so it won’t be boring at all!
5. Consent Is the Only MUST
Consent is one of the core principles of BDSM and it can’t happen without it. It’s a requirement every time you engage in any kind of kinky activity. So anyone who says BDSM is not voluntary, is wrong. All parties must consent to the activity, they must understand exactly what to expect, and they must be willing to do it. Otherwise, it’s not for them and they can find other ways to play with kink.
When you’re going into this world, focus on the things that excite you. Explore those things and try new things that make you feel curious and intrigued. If you see something you don’t find pleasurable, then you know it’s not for you. You can try it if you want to, but only if you want to. BDSM is incredibly varied, so there’s a lot more to explore than you think. All you need to do is look for the things that fit with your desires and needs.
