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Tabuu Wrap-up: If we’re not vocal about what we want in our sex life, we learn to settle for less than we deserve!
Many statistics out there point to the fact that women don’t tend to ask for what they want and need in many different settings. Including the bedroom. To be fair, research points to the fact that most people don’t tend to communicate their needs and desires when it comes to sex. Not even when they’re engaged in long-term relationships.
However, women continue to be the ones who have a harder time expressing their sexual desires and needs. If you’re a part of that percentage of women who find it very challenging to speak up in the bedroom. Maybe that’s because your too concerned about your partner’s pleasure, you put yours in the back seat. Maybe you feel like if you please your partner very well, they will do the same for you. Or maybe you simply don’t like talking about sex.
These are very common reasons why women tend to keep their sexual desires to themselves. But however common it may be, it’s a mistake we need to correct. If we don’t, we risk settling for a mediocre sex life we don’t actually enjoy or deserve. So, how can you start communicating your needs and desires? Well, here are 7 great tips that will allow you to overcome the fear of asking for the kind of sex you deserve.
1. Become Familiar With Your Pleasure
This is very simple: if you don’t know what you like in the bedroom, you won’t be able to guide your partner. This is why you must be aware of your body’s pleasure map! And how do you that? Well, by playing with yourself. A lot!
The more comfortable you become with your body on your own, the easier it will be for you to explain what you like to your partner. Find your erogenous zones, discover what kind of touch you enjoy most, give sex toys a try, watch porn, read erotic books, explore your entire body, and open your mind to fantasy!
2. Don’t Be Ashamed of Anything You Like
What if you like things that are a little freaky or kinky? Does that mean you’re weird? Is it okay to ask your partner to do that for you? Yes, yes, and yes! The point of talking about what you like is owning it and being honest about it.
Of course, you shouldn’t pressure anyone into doing the things you like if they’re not into it. But you should be honest and not feel ashamed about it. If you don’t like something they like or vice versa, you can still find the middle ground and have fun while respecting each other’s boundaries. But that can’t happen if you’re not honest and open with each other.
3. Avoid Complaining
There’s a difference between asking for something and complaining about things. And you definitely don’t want to do the latter. Remember sex is tightly linked to one’s ego and identity, so don’t be critical about your partner’s moves and don’t complain about how they never please you. If you haven’t been forthcoming, that’s not their fault. Your pleasure is your responsibility, after all.
Start the conversation by saying, “I’d enjoy things more if you would do X” and go from there. You should also encourage them to do the same. The only way you can have a fulfilling sex life is through conversation. You need to sit down and find the things you can both enjoy together. Also, be open to new things!
4. Be Straightforward and Kind
Talking about sex can be challenging for many people, but the last thing you want to do is speak in riddles. When you’re talking about what you want in bed, you can’t rely on euphemisms or be shy about it. On the contrary, you need to be straightforward. Otherwise, you risk being misunderstood and that’s the opposite of what you want.
When you’re asking for something you want, you must be direct and clear, but also kind and respectful towards your partner. Ask for things respectfully and choose your words well so you’re not misinterpreted and feelings get hurt. I recommend you think about what you want to say and how you want to say it in advance. Also, be ready to talk in-depth about what you’re asking because they will be curious.
5. Don’t Bend
It’s important to consider your partner’s feelings and have their consent, but sometimes things don’t work out that way. If you truly can’t enjoy sex without whatever it is you’re asking, then you need to be honest with your partner and let them know that’s how it is. It’s okay to want things and a generous sexual partner will be open to trying new things to please you.
In the least, they should be open to negotiation. If they’re not, don’t bend your will for anyone. If they can’t give you what you want and they’re not open to finding other alternatives to please you, then you might want to rethink whether it’s worth it to be in such a one-sided sexual relationship.
6. Take Control
According to popular belief, women are not the ones in control in the bedroom. Well, we’re happy to tell you that this ancient misconception is completely untrue. This idea, as wrong and outdated as it may be, it’s still a part of our culture and upbringing. It’s a lot less present than before, but it’s still something that needs to be addressed.
If you’re the kind of woman who believes she has no control in the bedroom and you’re unhappy with that, then it’s time to let it go. If you do like being controlled in bed, that’s fine, as long as it’s consensual. But if that’s not the case for you, you need to take control. Approach your sex life with the drive and the appetite it deserves, don’t leave that to someone else!
7. Be a Generous Lover
If you want to have great sex, you need to give it. When you’re meeting a partner in such an intimate setting, you must go in with respect and willing to be a generous lover, which means being open to new things. It’s really that simple. The more generous you are, the more generous your partner will be in return. Just don’t expect them to guess what you want, come right out and say it. Trust me, speaking up will be 100% worth it!
