Tabuu Wrap-up: When you say “polyamory,” most people think you spend all day having sex. The truth is you spend more time organizing your relationships!
There are times where things look bleak for people who believe in everyone’s right to consensual sexual pleasure, whatever that may be, to live without fear or hate, to access sexual health services, and to define their sexual lives however they see fit. However, as bleak as it may be sometimes, there’s still a ton of reasons to be optimistic about what’s to come.
If you don’t believe in that bright future, just think about how polyamory is increasingly being accepted. According to surveys, between 5% to 20% of people in the US are in an open relationship. And as many as 1 in 5 people are interested in polyamory.
Poly people have a lot to look forward to, such as a wide variety of tools that will become available to help you manage your relationships. After all, let’s be honest, it’s not easy to maintain a polyamorous lifestyle. There’s a lot going on when you date multiple people, and it can be a lot of work. Which is why you need as much help as possible.
Today we will be providing 5 essential tips that will help you manage your polyamorous relationship. To be successful at polyamory, you need to pay a lot of attention to everyone, respect critical details, and be as loving as you can. Of course, it’s not only up to you to make sure your poly relationship thrives, so it’s important everyone can have access to these tips. Without further ado, let’s get into it!
1. Know Who You’re With
This is not something that’s often featured in books on how to do polyamory relationships, but truly understanding the people you’re with is the most important thing. You need to know the people you’re with to the core. You must be familiar with what they need, desire, want, fear, and what concerns them as well as their limits.
Knowing the people you’re with is not only about connecting and becoming more intimate with them, but it’s also about being pragmatic. For example, you want to take note of your partner’s medical needs, including current medications, allergies, and any previous conditions they may have. If something happens, you will be able to share that valuable information with medical or emergency personnel.
If one of your partners is allergic to certain things, you need to be aware of that, so if you cook them a meal you can keep that in mind for their safety. If they suffer from severe allergies, you’ll also want to have medication handy at your place so you can use it whenever it’s necessary. It’s also important you have the contact information of other partners they may have, as well as friends, family, and doctors.
You also must talk with your partners and be aware of any privacy concerns they may have. In other words, you must be perfectly aware of their limitations and whatever rules they may have. For example, they might not want you to post pictures on Facebook because they might not want their employers, coworkers, or parents to be privy to that side of their lives.
As you can tell by now, that’s a lot of information to remember. It’s a challenge to remember all that about one person, let alone multiple people. What I’m saying is, don’t trust your memory with all this. Make notes on your phone’s contact book or a physical notebook, or get yourself a contact management tool. Do whatever helps you have the most essential information about everyone you’re with at the ready.
2. Take Your Scheduling Seriously
Polyamorous people thank their lucky stars every day for Google Calendar. And yes, there are many other scheduling programs you can use, but Google Calendar is as good as it gets when it comes to keeping track of your dates. It’s super easy to use and you can set up a widget right in the home screen of your phone to keep an eye on things. Not to mention you can use it on your computer and more.
The greatest thing about Google Calendar is that you can share your schedule with anyone you want. That means you can share your schedule with your partners and they’ll be able to see when you’re busy and when you’re free. If you don’t want to mix business with pleasure, you can create more than one schedule and keep your work life separate from your personal life.
Another cool thing about Google Calendar is you can link your contacts to any event, which means if you link a partner, their important information will be available right there. You won’t have to move to another app. The app is available for iPhone and Android users, so you won’t have a problem with cross-platform compatibility.
3. Keep an Open Line of Communication
There are so many instant messaging platforms and everyone’s using different ones, so it can be a challenge to communicate with everyone. What you want to do here is at least try to convince your partners to use the same IM platform. It could be WhatsApp, Telegram, iMessage, etc., what matters is you come to an agreement if possible and stick to it.
Personally, I recommend Telegram because it’s the complete package. You’ll be able to send files, audio, images, texts, and there are thousands of stickers available as well. Not to mention you can create groups, secret chats, and more. Telegram is available for iOS and Android users, and you can use it on your computer and your phone or any other mobile device simultaneously without an issue.
Keeping an open line of communication is not only about using the same app, though. It’s also about knowing how each of your partners communicate. We all have different styles of communication. Some people are quick to reply, others keep forgetting about their phones. Some people only speak in emojis and stickers, others only check their phone at a specific time of day.
These are all things you need to keep in mind. Once you understand everyone’s individual style of communication, you’ll be able to work with that. Don’t try to get everyone to communicate in the same way or at the same time. Learn about their style and adjust to that. I recommend you take notes at first. You’ll eventually get used to their communication style, but at first, it can be difficult to discern. Do this and you’ll avoid a ton of frustration!
4. Be Present During Intimacy
Now we’re getting to the good stuff! Polyamorous relationships are mainly about love and the expression of that love, so there can be a lot of sex involved. But what if you’re in a long-distance relationship with someone? Well, you can always text, FaceTime, or have video calls via Skype. However, that’s not the same as having physical contact.
Luckily, internet-connected SexTech is a thing now. There was a time where this kind of technology was only a wild dream. But now, many different companies manufacture and sell many different types of devices that will connect to other devices anywhere they are. And let me tell you, these things do a lot more than just tickle you.
SexTech provides an alternative for people in long-distance relationships so they can have more intimate experiences even if they can’t physically be together. Another great thing about this tech is that you’ll be able to record oscillations, vibration partners, and play them back on other devices. This means you can make a sexual composition that’s exclusive to you and your partner. How amazing!
5. Take Advantage of the Most Powerful Tool
This final tool is another one that’s often not featured in how-to books for polyamorous people. Now, I’ve already mentioned that polyamorous relationships are a lot of work. But I don’t think many people realize there is truly a lot of work to do. Like, a lot, a lot of work.
You have to juggle so many things at once; you need to keep everyone’s contact information, schedule quality time with everyone, handle emotions of all kinds, and also deal with unexpected highs and lows that will undoubtedly come out of nowhere. If that doesn’t sound like a lot of work, I don’t know what does.
The tips discussed so far can make things a lot easier and they can help you get through rough times. After all, organization is very useful. However, when it comes right down to it, polyamorous people can feel very lonely at times. Most people are monogamous, so it’s easy to find people who can understand your situation.
But that’s what the most powerful tool is for! Enter, the Internet. With this tool, you can reach out to people who are living the same lifestyle as you are and find support. Of course, you can always talk to your partners about these things. And it does help! But if you want the opinion of more experienced poly people so you can be more successful in your relationships, reaching out to them via the Internet is the best thing you can do.